Oh. (Russ L going to and fro in the Earth)

Yeah, alright, well, no, maybe not. There were going to be themed digest posts (‘live music in June’, ‘fightsports in June’ and so forth) but it appears I am too much of a lazy git to do even that. I’m just going to list the best bits of recent times. The bad bits can go hang.

~ I spent £40 on a ticket to see the Sex Pistols at The Academy on the 11th of June and almost immediately started wondering about precisely why I’d done such a silly thing. I love the Pistols, of course, but I’m not an enormous fan or anything like that (I think The Clash were by far the better band, as do all correct-livin’ folk) and I can’t say I’m hugely invested in their mythology (although I do like it). They’re really old now and last reunion around they were pretty open about the fact that they were just doing it for the money. It was bound to be crap, wasn’t it?

It wasn’t, surprisingly. Putting ‘standard disgustingness of a sold-out Academy’ aside, they were actually really fun. I’m sure it’s not nostalgia as such, since I wasn’t even alive when they were knocking about, but their songs have such resonance. It’s hard not to get a tiny bit excitable when the riff to this or that starts up. The sound was absolutely rotten (Edit: Arf. Unintentional) and this may or may not completely explain why they sounded so darn messy at times, but that doesn’t matter. That’s not why you go to see the Pistols, or at least I would hope not. I really enjoyed them.

~ Much like Mr Pryke I found myself happily getting more than I anticipated at Birmingham Town Hall on the 12th, expecting as I was an ordinary gig from The Destroyers which would include collaborations with The Dholblasters and Sanchita Pal in the middle of their set. As it turned out, for the first half of the evening The Destroyers formed the backbone of a larger ensemble which performed Cristina Piňero Maese’s “Scheherazade’s Rhapsody”, telling the tale of Scheherazade’s own thoughts and dreams during her story-telling captivity. I know even less about Indian classical music than anything else I find myself writing about while knowing nothing about it, but I really enjoyed this. Sanchita’s singing was wonderful and I really enjoyed the dancing, particularly the silhouetted routine behind a curtain in the second movement.

After a break the event transformed into more typical Destroyers gig (if such a thing can be said to exist. They entered the hall and approached the stage from the back as a monks procession, cowled and robed. Of course). My usual affliction of ‘having written about them 381,789 times before’ afflicts away with a vengeance and as such I have nothing to add, but the big finale when everyone came back to the stage (including the dancers) could be picked out as a highlight. I keep thinking that The Destroyers won’t be able to overload my senses any more than they already have, but they keep managing it. I salute.

~ The Courtesy Group! They’re always ace and were once again on Monday the 16th at The Hare And Hounds. Use was made of a chair and a dustpan brush. I sat on the chair afterwards, because my legs were tired.

~ The finale of this years series of The ‘Oo may have been a touch on the crappy side (on the plus side: ‘Midnight’ was brilliant), but Toby Hadoke’s Moths Ate My Dr Who Scarf one-man-show at Bloxwich Library Theatre on the 19th was very warm and fun. The jokes, unsurprisingly, are about fandom in general and contemporary society more so than about ‘Dr Who’ itself (so don’t panic, you don’t need to know any minutiae or anything), and into this he weaves autobiographical stuff that is actually genuinely moving. I’d really recommend this to all.

~ The less said about the incredible anticlimax of a main event of the boxing at The Civic on the 20th the better*, but there were some good things on the undercard. The go-go-go Midlands Area welterweight title fight between Mark Lloyd and Andrew Alan Lowe had constant action for the eight rounds it lasted, and Steve Saville managed to just about squeak past Baz Carey in a fun brawly four-rounder. It’s always nice to see Lyndsey Scragg doing well, and the same goes for Rob Hunt even if he didn’t look at his best against the entertaining but ever-unorthodox (that’s me being all subtle and polite, y’see) Alex Brew.

~ The Big Weekend O’ Boxing continued at the NIA on the following night. The main event here was a fantastic affair and incredibly exciting to watch, although I shake my head at anyone who still thinks that Amir Khan is even remotely close to world class at the moment. His handspeed is a thing to behold and I’m glad I’ve had the chance to actually see it in real life, but not only does he keep dropping his hands and sticking his (weak) chin out, Michael Gomez has now proved that he can be hurt with bodyshots too.

The undercard had more than its fair share of good stuff. The mantle of “Best Four-Rounder I Have Ever Seen” (belonging to Martin Gethin vs Baz Carey) was very nearly transferred to D. Mitchell vs Martin Concepcion. I was happy although surprised to see Steve Bendall get the judges nod against Paul Smith for the English middleweight title in a scrappy but fun affair. Don Broadhurst looked absolutely fantastic in his dominant win, and the finish in which Curtis Woodhouse put Wayne Downing on the floor for the count with a volley of bodyshots was worthy of a highlight real.

~ It was another profoundly distasteful ’sold out venue’ experience at The Hare And Hounds on the 22nd and there were moments of distinct unpleasantness to have to endure, but Melt Banana proved worth it. ‘Grindcore’ is often where they’re said to fall, but (although I stand by my years-long protest that a genre name doesn’t equate to a qualitative judgement) that really doesn’t feel right. Rickidickidickidow, rickidickidickidow, shriek shriek shriek shriek. Only catchy. And dynamically varied. That’s how to describe them. And they’re aaaawesome.

The best bit (as with last time they were over here) was the ’short songs’ bit - a series of single ideas, single hooks, each presented without any additional nonsense to waste your time. Occasionally I think that all pop music should be like that.

~ Oh man, Bacchus (under the Burlington Hotel in Brum) is great. I love that place.

~ The UK Cagefighting Championships card at The Skydome on the 29th was pretty poor on the whole, but it’s always nice to see Team Supreme going undefeated. Well… they did as far as I remember, anyway. The results don’t seem to have been sent to any of the fightfinder sites (there is this…).

~ I had fun at Old Man Mulvaney’s retirement do on the 4th of July.

~ There’s been some good fighting for watching on screens. In terms of MMA, Rampage vs Forrest Griffin was a classic for the ages. When it comes to boxing, Manny Pacquiao vs David Diaz wasn’t really a ‘fight’ as such but it was a genuinely amazing performance from Pacman, and everyone needs to watch Ricardo Torres vs Kendall Holt II. 61 seconds of absolute hell-on-wheels.

And that’s about it, I think. Supersonic this weekend! Ooh, it’s gonna be great.

* This is hidden away in the netherworld of the asterisk due to the main post being about the good things this month, but I did feel the need to say something. Wayne Elcock vs Darren McDermott had been building up for a ridiculously long time. People had talked about it for years, but it actually seemed like a possibility when McDermott won one of those ever-valuable British title eliminators in February 2007, and Elcock won the title itself that September (I was there). Elcock proceeded to kill a bit of time by getting seven bells knocked out of himself at the hands of Arthur Abraham, but soon enough the time came to defend the belt. There were mumblings about Elcock preferring to face LocalTicketSeller Supreme Matthew Macklin and McDermott needing to win a final eliminator (told you those things were valuable), but eventually the big Black Country vs Birmingham derby was signed. It was On Like The Fall Of Saigon.

Except it wasn’t. Elcock got a chest infection. Words were exchanged in the press, McDermott’s camp accused Elcock of ducking him, Elcock’s camp accused McDermott of wanting to get out of it, and the fight was rescheduled for the 20th of June. It was On Like The Film Tron, but where oh where? Fightfans waited breath a-baited as practically every building in the West Midlands county was named as a venue. It’s at AVEC! No it’s not - it’s at The Skydome! Woah there Nelly - with less than a week to go, we’re moving it to The Civic!

The night itself came. Anticipation was building throughout and by the time the fight came around the atmosphere was something else. Our Macca was hailed as a hero by the ferociociferus (no real adjective could actually describe just how ferociociferus they were) crowd; the despised (for one night only. I’ll still support him when he’s against an opponent who’s unlucky enough to come from somewhere other than the Black Country) Elcock was looked upon as someone who’d swanned into our Yampy wonderhome and walked mud onto our carpets, dropped crumbs on our settee and made lewd comments about our daughter. In a metaphorical sense, I suppose he had. F’n Zulus.

The culmination of this epic campaign for fistic dominance and local supremacy?

Cut stoppage from an accidental clash of heads, R2.

I hate the entire world.

It feels a bit feeble this time. This would mostly be because I’m a bit feeble myself and the end of the month crept up on me too fast. Also the Ian McEwan opera thing (what a combination) seems to have disappeared from The Rep’s site, so I’m assuming that’s cancelled. Sorry.

Standard disclaimers: I can’t ensure that these events will go ahead, that they’ll be good, or that I will be going to them. This is just a list of things I found that looked like they might be interesting, so please do not contact me to ask for your event to be included. That’s not the way it works.

All of the Wednesdays from before now until ages away - “These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things” (Various contributors) @ Ikon Gallery, Birmingham - Various people talk about their Favourite Things, in a DesertIslandDisks stylee. Most interesting to me looks like Catherine O’ Flynn, of “What Was Lost” (amazing novel, read it if you haven’t) authorship fame on the 9th of July.

Before now until Sunday the 13th of July – Vivid’s ‘Flux-Fest’ @ Various places in Birmingham - Something calling itself a festival? In Birmingham? The heck you say. It’s to honour the memory of your good ol’ Fluxus movement, anyway.

Friday the 27th of June till Sunday the 6th – Moseley Festival @ Various places in Moseley, Birmingham - Not to be confused with the Moseley Folk Festival in August. There’s a list of events here; Rich Batsford’s Music By Candlelight on Tuesday the 1st at St Mary’s Church sounds good.

Various dates between Saturday the 28th of June and Saturday the 5th – ‘Fourplay’ (new directors showcase) @ The Crescent Theatre, Birmingham - Four new directors doing four one-act plays over the course of a couple of different double bills. The Bald Prima Donna sounds like a laugh.

Tuesday the 1st till Saturday the 5th - ‘Topless Mum’ (Tobacco Factory Productions & Imagineer Productions) @ The Belgrade Theatre, Coventry - Careful now. I mean it. We’ll have no smut here. This is a play about the actions and responsibilities of tabloid newspapers, even if they are using the poncey southern spelling of ‘mom’.

Wednesday the 2nd – Pama International / The Slackers / The Pietasters / Mungo’s Hi-Fi @ The Robin 2, Bilston - The ‘Reggae For The People’ tour. The Pietasters weren’t especially reggae-ish last time I heard them (admittedly this was years ago) but they were very good.

Thursday the 3rd – Paul Heaton @ The Academy 2, Birmingham - Your man there from The Beautiful South.

Saturday the 5th – Eddy Grant @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - Oi! He’s gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, although apparently (and disappointingly) that song is about an Electric Avenue in London rather than the one in Birmingham.

Saturday the 5th – Pentangle @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - Apparently this is the actual proper version of Pentangle, rather than the “Jacqui McShee plus some other suckahs” version I saw a couple of years ago.

Saturday the 5th - ‘Cocomad’ (Cotteridge Festival) @ Cotteridge Park, Bourneville, Birmingham - With food and stalls and wood carving and some ace bands.

Monday the 7th – Duran Duran @ The NIA, Birmingham - Just don’t go on a pilgrimage to Saramoons where they used to drink, ‘cos although it’s still open it ain’t like that these days. Pointing this out seems to be a popular local meme of late.

Thursday the 10th till Sunday the 13th – ‘Taste Of Birmingham’ @ Cannon Hill Park, Edgbaston, Birmingham - NOM NOM NOM NOM.

Friday the 11th – Lupe Fiasco @ The Academy, Birmingham - And so we kick, push, kick, push, kick, push…

Friday the 11th till Sunday the 13th – Supersonic Festival @ The Custard Factory, Digbeth, Birmingham - Look, it’s Supersonic (hey hey hey hey). If I haven’t convinced you before now then I’m not likely to. Just go, yer nutter, it’s the best annual event out there.

Saturday the 12th - Weatheroak Charity Challenge & Pig Roast @ Wythall Park Community Centre, Wythall - Including five-aside football and “It’s A Knockout” (~!).

Saturday the 12th - The Jewellery Quarter Arts & Designer Craft Festival @ all over The Jewellery Quarter, Birmingham - Bizarrely under-publicised (or at least as far as my sphere-of-noticing-things goes), but it looks interesting. There are workshops and demonstrations and things of sculpting, jewellery-making, and of course Arfs An Crarts.

Saturday the 12th – Andersens @ The Sunflower Lounge, Birmingham - Cool-sounding (on the basis of their MySpace page, at least) Japanese psych-folk doings. Courtesy of The Autumn Store, who also bring you more fun ‘n’ frolics on the 22nd – have a look at their events page, whydon’tcha.

Monday the 14th – Jah Wobble @ The Glee Club, Birmingham -Dubby experimentally silly namey erstwhile PIL fella, doing what’s said to be a fusion of dub and Chinese melodies. Leslie Kong would be proud.

Wednesday the 16th – Wiley @ The Barfly, Digbeth, Birmingham - What do you do? Usually drink, usually daaaarrrrnce.

Saturday the 19th – Boxing (Sports Network) @ Aston Events Centre, Aston, Birmingham - Frizzank Wizzank defies his own self-imposed ban on promoting in Birmingham for the second time in two months. You’d almost think the Olympic boxing squad had two Brummies he wanted to sign or something. Featuring, anyway, Enzo Maccarinelli and Audley ‘Not In The Face!’ Harrison for ‘big name’ purposes and Matthew Macklin, Don Broadhurst and Thomas Costello for ‘actually getting the tickets sold’ purposes.

Tuesday the 22nd – Butthole Surfers @ The Wulfrun Hall, Wolverhampton - Another “if I have to explain it, you’ll never understand” one. Not on the 6th, please note; the date has changed.

Thursday the 24th and Saturday the 26th - ‘Assassins’ (Through The Window Theatre) @ The Old Joint Stock Theatre, Birmingham - A comical musical about the ‘fraternity of presidential assassins’ - the nine men who’ve tried to kill a US prez.

Thursday the 24th – Boxing (First Team Promotions) @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - The latest local card with a bunch of our usual faves, including (at the time of writing) Rob Hunt, Rob Kenney, Scott Evans etc. No Dean Harrison or Lyndsey Scragg though, seemingly.

Friday the 25th – Soweto Kinch @ The Town Hall, Birmingham - Fresh from Flyover Show-esque success, that man Soweto presents this ‘Basement Fables’ show – the second part of his ‘A Day In The Life Of B19’ series.

Monday the 28th and Tuesday the 29th - ‘Like A Fountain Troubled’ (Untamed Shrew Productions) @ The Old Joint Stock Theatre, Birmingham - Of the counsellor more troubled than those she counsels, and the relationship between the two. The description on the OJS site makes it sound sort of ace and sort of crap at the same time, which is as nifty a promotional trick as many you’ll encounter.

Right then my gas firin’ never tirin’ steam punkin’ pop junkin’ ballin’ brawlin’ shot-callin’ little chickadees: we may have had a month off in May (chiefly because I couldn’t, ‘ow you Eeenglish say, be arsed), but here’s your LOTTSADITWM for June.

Standard disclaimers: I can’t ensure that these events will go ahead, that they’ll be good, or that I will be going to them. This is just a list of things I found that looked like they might be interesting, so please do not contact me to ask for your event to be included. That’s not the way it works.

Thursday the 29th of May till Saturday the 21st – “Our House” (Birmingham Rep Theatre Company) @ The Rep, Birmingham - The musical set to Madness songs. Always thought that was a fun idea.

Saturday the 31st of May till Monday the 30th of June – BASS Festival @ all over the Midlands - That’s right folks, Birmingham’s annual ‘Ten Different Things Calling Themselves Festivals At Any Given Time’ season is in full swing (although this one is Midlands-wide so perhaps it’s not the best example of that particular mania). There’s tons of urban music/culture related stuff a-happening, mostly in Birmingham, Leicester and Nottingham. Their events diary can be seen here.

Saturday the 31st of May till Sunday the 8th - Climate Change Festival @ Various places in Birmingham and Walsall - Surely it’s nothing to celebrate? Or maybe they’re against it. Claystation sounds like fun.

Monday the 2nd and Tuesday the 3rd – ‘Shadow Play’ (Travelling Light) @ The Warwick Arts Centre, University Of Warwick, Coventry - Theatre, dance and Mime thingy that is apparently “inspired by the way that children use ‘play’ to investigate the world around them”.

Tuesday the 3rd – Schostakovich’s 3rd (Philharmonia Orchestra) @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - Dmitri’s sly “A Soviet Artist’s Reply To Just Criticism”, conducted here by Gustavo Dudamel (who has apparently received the highest possible praise from no less than Simon Rattle).

Wednesday the 4th – Flogging Molly @ The Academy, Birmingham - With an Oi Oi Oi and a Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Li. Great live band.

Thursday the 5th till Sunday the 8th – “Everyone Loves Elmer!” (Birmingham Stage Company) @ The Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton - I do, certainly. Always thought the lil’ patchwork pachyderm was too cute for words.

Thursday the 5th till Saturday the 20th – New Generation Arts Festival @ various fighters in Birmingham - A festival, eh? Whodathunkit. The stated categories for this one are visual arts, music, design, animation & film, creative writing, and ‘online interactive’. Have a little look at the list of events.

Thursday the 5th to Friday the 20th of June- Emergent Game @ all across Birmingham - Part of the above NGA festival, this… erm… no, I’m not going to pretend I have the first idea of what in the world this is all about. I think I quite like it, nevertheless. Just click the link.

Thursday the 5th to Saturday the 7th – Integra 2008 festival @ Sundry Birmingham venues - Part of the NGA, making this a festival within a festival. How very Birmingham. ‘Fusing music and technology’ is the tagline, and amongst other things it includes BEAST, and Capsule putting on The Bays with The BIT20 ensemble.

Friday the 6th – Mary J. Blige @ The NEC, Marston Green, Birmingham - Drama: no more of it.

Saturday the 7th – The Autumn Store @ The Sunflower Lounge, Birmingham - Birmingham’s main indiepop night is back, with Pete Green, Lime Chalks, and Little My.

Saturday the 8th – ISKA supershow (kickboxing) @ The Que Club, Birmingham - Promoted by Kash ‘The Flash’ Gill (a legend round these parts). I’m assuming it’s FC style kickboxing. Public information always seems scarce about this sort of thing.

Monday the 9th – Moha! @ The Rainbow, Digbeth, Birmingham - Usual annoying exclamation mark aside, this band sound pretty cool. Motorik jazz-industrial, if you will. Or something. Also: they have an album called “Norwegianism”.

Wednesday the 11th – Sex Pistols @ The Academy, Birmingham - Old, old men. But… erm… well, that’s it really. I still don’t know why I went and bought a ticket for this.

Wednesday the 11th and Thursday the 12th – “Farewell, But Not Goodbye” (CBSO) @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - Sakari Oramo’s last fling as music director/chief conductor of the CBSO. Aaaaaw, I always loved the lil’ hyperactive fella. Beethoven’s 9th, anyway.

Thursday the 12th – The Destroyers @ The Town Hall, Birmingham - The Greatest Band In The World Ever Ever Ever (it’s official, you know) playing a new collaboration (‘1001 Nights’) with The Dholblasters and Sanchita Pal.

Friday the 13th – Sunburned Hand Of Man @ The Hare & Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham - Psychedelic/weirdness collective. ‘Tis Capsule.

Saturday the 14th – ‘Cinderella Ashputtel” (Banyan Theatre) @ The Warwick Arts Centre, University of Warwick, Coventry - A puppet-theatre reworking of ‘Cinderella’. The actual figures themselves look gorgeous.

Monday the 16th – Norman Lovett & Hattie Hayridge @ The Little Civic, Wolverhampton - Stand-up comedy from the two people who played Holly in Red Dwarf, which is as sensible a manner of putting a tour together as any I suppose. It also provides a nice bit of continuity for the next entry…

Monday the 16th – Holly GoLightly @ The Hare & Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham - Former Billy Childish cohort and Headcoatees member. Does that make her a Headcoatee-ee? It is a Curate’s Egg gig (flyer), but I’ve been told that the fact that it’s on a Monday means it should actually finish at a righteous time.

Monday the 16th – Origin / Impaled @ The Flapper & Firkin, Birmingham - Birmingham’s main extreme metal promoting sorts Reanimator forgo their usual haunt The Bristol Pear to bring you a night of death metal in the city centre (flyer).

Wednesday the 18th – Alanis Morissette @ The Academy, Birmingham - Hur hur hur that song she did about the irony mentioned things that weren’t ironic hur hur hur stock tropes from crap mid-90s comedians hur hur hur…

Thursday the 19th – “Moths Ate My Dr Who Scarf” (Toby Hadoke) @ The Library Theatre, Bloxwich- A David Benson-esque (by the sounds of it) one-man show, about The ‘Oo and the place The ‘Oo has had in the life of one Toby Hadoke.

Friday the 20th – “They Get Free Mobiles… Don’t They?” (Banner Theatre) @ The Belgrade Theatre, Coventry - Multimedia thingy, looking at the facts and myths about refugees.

Friday the 20th – Wayne Elcock vs Darren McDermott (Boxing; Hennessy Sports) @ The Skydome, Coventry - The one we’ve all been waiting for, rescheduled from April. A proper Black Country vs Birmingham derby, and for the British middleweight title too. (EDIT: And no, you’re not going mad - it was originally at the Aston Events Centre. Now it ain’t). It’s just a shame that it’s the same night as…

Friday the 20th –Boxing (First Team promotions) @ Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - …Another boxing card, with a bunch of your local faves. Then, on top of these, on the following day also you have…

Saturday the 21st – Boxing (Sports Network) @ The NIA, Birmingham - …Amir Khan’s latest mismatch, and an undercard including Marcus Portman, Richie Collins, Don Broadhurst, Steve Bendall, and the very highly-regarded Thomas Costello.

Saturday the 21st – Jimmy Cliff @ The Aston Events Centre, Aston, Birmingham - Genuine legend. Although he’ll have many canals to cross rather than rivers, around here.

Saturday the 21st – “Score 12 – Cast” (Bill Drummond/The17) @ I think you get to pick where in Birmingham - A Bill Drummond doin’ is transpirin’. It is connected with manhole covers.

Sunday the 22nd – Melt Banana @ The Hare & Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham - Japanese grindo-fun lovelies. ‘Tis Capsule again.

Monday the 23rd – “Paul Merton’s Impro Chums” @ The Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton - Improvised comedy from Paul Merton and, presumably, some of his chums. Is this the type of thing where they ask the audience to shout out a profession and they act it out in song?

Tuesday the 24th - Thea Gilmore @ The Glee Club, Birmingham - She got a bit confused between Wolverhampton and Bilston last time she was around here, bless ‘er, but her songs are fab.

Thursday the 26th – “My Bum Is Genetic, Deal With It” (Village Gossip Productions) @ The Drum, Newtown, Birmingham - Presented in affiliation with the BASS Festival mentioned above. A comic monologue/spoken word type of thing in which a South African woman attempts to figure out her image of beauty.

Saturday the 28th - The Public opening doings @ The Public, West Bromwich - Well, it’s meant to finally be opening. There’s nothing on the thing’s own website. Given its history, I think we can be excused any and all cynicism. If they do manage to get the doors open then I imagine there’ll be some sort of festivities, or maybe the budget for them will run out.

Saturday the 28th – British Pipe Band Championships @ Cannon Hill Park, Edgbaston, Birmingham - Over 100 pipe bands will compete in this heroic struggle. Who, I ask you who, will prevail?

Sunday the 29th – MMA (UK Cage Fighting Championships) @ The Skydome, Coventry - Good stuff, I have happy memories of seeing MMA at The Skydome.

Sunday the 29th – Muay Thai (K-Star) @ The Tower Ballroom, Edgbaston, Birmingham - Fists, elbow, knees and shins a-flying near the reservoir.

“Berminum? Fahkin’ Berminum? ‘Ere, is that up norf or samfin?”

I would never beforehand have expected those cockney sparras of Cage Rage to cross the moat (sorry, ‘M25′ ) and hold one of their main cards outside of London. The NEC was their chosen venue for CR26 on the 10th of May, though, and so I headed on over there alongside The One They Call Trig.

Cage Rage is bloody irritating, in so many ways. I know they started with a small jellied eel stall and built it into the UK’s biggest MMA promotion and all the rest of it, but they’re not what you’d call dignified. While others are trying to persuade the media and public at large that Mixed Martial Arts is a proper sport, they’re making a combat equivalent of the Mitchell & Webb “Watch the football” sketch (and cheers to Trig for that spot-on analogy). “Cagefighting! Watch as these two t’ugs who’ve never met before but somehow have a grudge proceed to pale seven shades of purple out of each other! There will be blood! There will be guts! There will be women! Lots of women! Wearing very little! Dancing girls! Tonight only, in the red corner a gangsta from the mean streets of Brixton and in the blue corner a member of the Russian maffia! He’s gonna hit him! HE’S THROWING A PUNCH! Heavyweights! He’s six foot six and twenty five stone! Watch the fighting! Women! Cagefighting! Blood! Violence! Fighting! FIGHTING! WATCH THE FIGHTIIIIIIING!”

Aaaand it’s fairly tedious. But… well, I like MMA, and that sometimes means having to ignore how it’s presented.

Your results can be found here. There weren’t any all-time classics, but it was a pretty good card overall. The Fight Of The Night for me would have to have been Brad ‘One Punch’ Pickett vs Paul Reed. It was a stand up war (as I believe one is obliged to describe this sort of fight), but in spite of the unpleasant rumours that they had an agreement between themselves not to grapple (really, what’s the point of having an MMA fight in that case?) it did hit the floor a few times. Reed really does have a chin of iron, and Picket was unable to finish him despite absolutely hammering him quite a few times.

The individual performance of the night undoubtedly came from Ian “Chawk In The Keeyaje” Freeman. I must admit that I’d tipped Paul Cahoon to knock him out in fairly short order, but the older man managed a Couture/Foreman-esque performance and absolutely dominated. I will henceforth refer to him as Ian Foreman. I hope that one day he will have his own range of grills.

Four locals fought on the card, with West Midlands And Immediate Surrounding Areas managing to go 2-1-1 against Rest Of The World. Harvey Harra beat Gary Kelly by sub from triangle choke in the first round (revenge, of sorts, for Gary’s brother Paul Kelly beating Harvey’s team-mate Paul Taylor at UFC80. Also: all five of Harra’s MMA wins have come when I’ve been in the audience, while all three of his MMA losses have come when I haven’t. This is surely no co-incidence). Chris Rice took a third round TKO victory over the outmatched but tough and thoroughly game Edgelson Lue. As much as I admire Marc Goddard, I was surprised that his rematch against Henrique ‘Chocolate’ Noguiera was ruled a draw (although I was certainly happy that Choco’s negative, stifling work wasn’t rewarded with a win). Ross ‘The Boss’ Mason was alas beaten by Ross Pointon by sub in the first (what madman went and taught him how to do a heelhook? No good will come of this).

A few notes on the crowd: 1) Don’t believe the claim that it was sold out, because it really wasn’t. I’ve been to two Cage Rage cards and they’ve tried this both times. 2) There was some really annoying booing going on. There’s always a bit, obviously, but booing an opponent after your man tapped out? Ludicrous. 3) No notable crowd violence at a big fightsports event in Birmingham. Amazing.

“Ere, wot is the fahkin’ Lambeth Wawk, anyway?”

And so it continues. More somewhat brief descriptions of Stuff Wot I Dun.

The ‘English Originals’ folk festival began on Friday the 25th of April, but (as previously chronicled) I was down the road at the time, to see Björk. As such I missed Billy Bragg, which was a shame (it sounds like it was a fantastic gig) but then again I have seen him three times before and if all remains well I’m sure I’ll get plenty of chances to see him again.

Sharon Kraus started larks off at The Town Hall on the Saturday night, doing an unhappy-Vashti style of folk with odd lyrics. And she was… OK-ish. She seemed to make a distinction between some of her songs being miserable & some being jollier, but I couldn’t really hear how the ones she seemed to think were the latter differed from any of the rest.

Tunng, as I’ve said at least four squintillion times before, are one of my favourite bands knocking around at the moment. This (the fifth time I’ve seen them) saw them employing new and different arrangements for quite a few of their wonderful (electro-folk, space-folk, oddball folk, all my usual descriptors) songs. I (criminally) can’t remember which song it was added to, but the tribal percussion jam ending that involving knocking plastic tubes off their legs was particularly fantastic. Their rocky one that I first heard at Supersonic last year seemed ace this time around, too. No ‘Beautiful And Light’, alas, but I think they were pushed for time. Band of the night, and during most months they would’ve been band of the month (blame the previous night’s Björk set for that).

Although saying it will mean I risk the wrath of Lady Baron, this gig really struck home to me the fact that Seth Lakeman looks about twelve years old. Just sayin’. I enjoyed his set, but not as much as I did at Moseley Folk the year before last – the pop-folk-rock stuff with the band seemed to veer a tiny touch into bland at times. Only a tiny bit. The best parts by far (Kitty Jay & Lady Of the Sea) were when it’s just him and his fiddle. His fiddle-playing just shimmers.

(If you weren’t there, click Hear for Aid. That didn’t really work as a pun, did it? Oh well).

My folkin’ Sunday began with Little Sister’s free set in the Symphony Hall foyer. They were really, really enjoyable, making use of the folk styles of a few different countries, lots of different instruments, and some almost doo-wop-ish close harmony singing to play a mix of standards and their own songs. There was a huge sense of infectious fun about them, and I’d definitely like to see them again at some point.

A quick pint in the Paradise Forum Wetherspoons (The Prince Of Wales was packed far too full) later, and it was time to head into the Town Hall for the Daughters Of Albion. Not a regular band as such, Daughters Of Albion consist of various female folk stalwarts (Kathryn Williams, Norma Waterson, June Tabor, Lisa Knapp, Bishi, and Lou Rhodes) singing different songs at different times, backed by a band which included the likes of Martin Carthy and Neill MacColl.

It was of mixed quality, but good overall. Bishi may have looked fabulous but she simply didn’t have anywhere near the depth of voice she needed not to sound a bit feeble next to the rest, and while Tabor is renowned as a great interpreter of songs I really wasn’t feeling it (even putting aside the one song she did with that “to be considered true and righteous, a thing must obtain energy from chlorophyll” lyrical style that you fear when an event bills itself as ‘English folk’). She has (what we might politely call) A Very Particular Manner about herself, too. Apparently she doesn’t like singing at the same time as other people. The other three were great, of course, and the obviously nervous Kathryn made for an endearing compere. There were highlights a-plenty alongside the embarrassing bits, including a (surprisingly intense) version of P.J. Harvey’s “Down By The Water” led by Lou Rhodes, Williams doing “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”, Lisa Knapp’s own “There U R” (sic), and… quite a few more, but I don’t remember. It was over three weeks ago. Definitely some of the Norma Waterson stuff, but I forget what.

(Evidently some people had stronger thoughts about the poorer bits).

Wednesday the 30th saw me heading to The Civic in Wolves for the boxing, accompanied by my main bredrinman Diz Keniz. Fight of the night (or such of it as I saw, anyway – I missed the Scott Evans bout and the latter half of Rob Hunt’s due to the ever-pressing need to catch the last bus in order to actually get home) was definitely the wild affair between Wolverhampton’s own Lyndsey Scragg and Ukrainian Victoria Oleynik. The normally smooth-boxing Lyndsey had to learn and learn fast about how to deal with having a rough brawl forced upon her by the very scrappy Victoria. This was the first time I’d seen Lyndsey in any sort of trouble at all, but she came through it narrowly. My main reason beforehand for wanting to go to this had been to see the headline fight Dean Harrison vs Gary Reid. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Harrison’s insistence on only fighting quality opposition makes me very happy indeed. I’d actually got this eight-rounder tied at 76-76 at the end, but the ref saw things differently and awarded it to Deano (78-76). His plan of going in close against renowned body puncher Reid and hardly jabbing was certainly playing with fire, but grit saw him through (although he absorbed some nasty-looking punishment at times). It’s onwards and upwards for the Black Country’s Deano and that’s as it should be, but I do feel sorry for Reid as another red mark is added to his loss column (the man makes for a perfect example of the old “he’s better than his record” cliché).

Those two were the standouts, but I was quite happy with the card overall. Most of the fights were (as ever) foregone conclusions in terms of results, but they all seemed surprisingly competitive on a minute-for-minute basis. I’d still rather see someone wave a magic wand that would reform boxing as a whole and leave us with matches where the outcomes aren’t definite, but failing that then this sort of thing will do.

(Dod Ken’s account can be read here, while Tom Podmore’s BBN report is here. EDIT: There’s a Birmingham Mail report as well).

I’m getting fed up of writing this now, but I really could do with ploughing on. I’ll never be up to date otherwise.

Carina Round at The Barfly on Sunday the 4th of May, backed by her band for the first time in what seems like forever. You all know by now that I like a bit of ‘Rina. Adrienne Pierce and Ari Shine supported, but neither offered much of anything in particular. Carina herself seemed to be in a bit of a good-time partying mood for this one, and so in such a fashion the gig proceeded. We got “Lacuna” (first time I’ve heard that live for an age), “Monument”, “Take The Money” (this was particularly fun, I recall), “Come To You” (I may be softening on this slightly. I’m prepared to acknowledge that I like the beginning of it), “Downslow”, “Into My Blood”, and probably loads more old faves. I can’t remember. The new but by now familiar ‘Backseat’ and ‘Thief In The Sky’ (this with the added bonus of the band looking very uncomfortable and embarrassed while standing in line and providing backing vox) got airings, as did the new but less familiar ‘Do You’ (the clawing-of-eyes-mentioning one she played at Woom a couple of weeks prior) and ‘Everything A Reason’ (which seems to have a bit of earlier-Carina style intensity about it). Both of those were primarily acoustic with the band only adding a bit of texture, and so from this we can have a fair ol’ guess at the direction that the next album will take.

There’s little more unpleasant than the heat of a sold-out Academy (just think - that temperature is coming from inside people. I shudder), but that was where I found myself on the 5th for Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds. I’m sad to report that this was by far the least of the three times I’ve seen Nick Cave. This was mostly a fault of far-from-ideal sound (when ‘Tupelo’ of all things is made to sound dynamically flat then you know you have a problem) but Cave and Co really didn’t help things by (seemingly) deliberately going for a rough ‘n’ ready, garage-y sort of approach. This stung the most during the more reflective and romantic songs - “Straight To You”, “Into My Arms” and “The Ship Song” all really suffered.

They weren’t anywhere near outright bad, of course, and are never likely to be. “Papa Won’t Leave You Henry” achieved a magnificent state of ragged glory (possibly actually aided by the factors that humbled other parts of the set), while “Red Right Hand” and its Morricone come noir come fire ambience cut through everything. Cave alternated between ‘avuncular’, ‘caustically sarcastic’ and ‘possessed’ in that endearing way that he always does, and led the assembled massive in a hugely fun singalong during “Lyre Of Orpheus”. Of the new stuff, “Dig, Lazarus, Dig!” and particularly “We Call Upon The Author To Explain” sounded fantastic.

Great stuff overall, but not quite as great as one might have expected. I know, I know, moon on a stick and so forth. I think I’ve earned the right to be a bit self-indulgent about this night, though - I managed to avoid making the obvious joke to an annoying pissed woman standing near me who spent all evening shouting for “Thirsty Dog”. This feat of goodwill should surely not go unrewarded by The Rest Of The Universe.

(Many, many, many others have written about this gig. Opinions vary).

Carina again? Go on then, why not. To The Little Civic on the 7th, for a more typical gig than the funtime partytime at The Barfly. Lots of people talking during the quieter songs at this one, though, which was as annoying as it always is. There’s a setlist in this messageboard thread - broadly the same as the previous gig, with an added “How I See It” and an encore of “Let It Fall” (devastating as ever, but with an ending I either didn’t know or drunkenly failed to recognise). “Monument” sounded absolutely stonking here, and happily there’s a video.

Right, that’s it, had enough. I hereby declare this post finished. I’m neeearly up to date now anyway.

I haven’t felt much like writing just lately (although, paradoxically, I was thinking of starting another blog. More on that if I decide I can be bothered to do it), but as ever the bold tales of fings wot I done are piling up. Don’t panic, though. You put your Reading Glasses on, I’ll don my Writing False Moustache, and we’ll get through this together.

Friday the 11th of April was my chance to bare witness to Top Girls at The Crescent Theatre. I’d never been there before, perhaps surprisingly. This was in the ’studio’ room - a performance of ‘Seven Brides For Seven Brothers’ happened in the main hall. Apparently they had ‘Annie Get Your Gone’ not long after. Plenty of opportunities for both rootin’ and tootin’.

I ‘did’ this play (I mean ‘Top Girls’, not ‘Seven Brides…’ or ‘Annie Get Your Gun’) for A level English-Literature when I was at college (I think that this might not be uncommon), but since I’d never actually seen it staged I was quite looking forward to it. I can’t be bothered with any exposition about it, so just have a read of this if you’re not familiar.

I enjoyed this. The programme spoke of Brecht (and I’ve heard him mentioned in relation to the play before), but irrespective of what techniques of acting and scripting may or may be involved used I found myself pulled in rather than distanced. It’s a very visceral and cathartic play, really, or at least that’s how I always perceive it – while (of course) it does make you think, I don’t think the various emotional dehiscent elements of it lend themselves to completely neutral viewing. They were the strength of this, and absolutely captivating (even if all of the shouting did make one member of our party’s headache worse). On a lighter note, the arguments/talking-over-each-other bits were done masterfully, which is surely no mean feat of timing. Lovely stuff.

The following night was reserved for AMMA at The Villa Ground (results in this messageboard thread, to save you having to brave the inaccuracies of MMA Universe). These are always good fightcards, although I’ve steadily come to hate the venue (it’s terrible for being able to actually see the ring, particularly for a shortarse like me). I missed the last three fights due to the ever-heavy-hanging spectre of needing to get the train, but had great fun nevertheless. There wasn’t a single bad fight on the card (or such of it that I saw), and the best amongst them was Ross Sutherland vs Ben Rose. Sutherland was throwing out almost constant submission attempts (I’m barely exaggerating), but Rose just would not give up. He gritted his teeth through a particularly gnarly triangle for absolutely ages, it was amazing. Sutherland took the unanimous judges decision in the end, but they both deserve all of the applause and plaudits you could possibly give them. (Edit: The UK’s best MMA fighter Rosi Sexton writes about cornering a fighter at this show on her excellent blog).

Skip on a week to Saturday the 19th, for Packers (no permalink, sorry – you’ll have to scroll down a bit) at Newhampton Arts Centre in Wolves (another one I’d never been to before). This was very sweet, very funny, and extremely well-observed – all of the characters were immediately recognisable archetypes of people. You’ll feel like you know ‘em all well. Happy ending, too. And proper accents.

The night after meant going to Birmingham Town Hall for Mahler’s 2nd - my favourite symphony to hear live (this was my third time. It’s probably my favourite symphony full stop, in fact). The Town Hall definitely isn’t as good as Symphony Hall acoustically, I found out (the choir and a few other things seemed a bit drowned out at times) but still stunning. The Birmingham Philharmonic Orchestra were remarkable considering that they’re not professionals.

Tuesday the 22nd saw me heading to The Academy for a Gogol Bordello gig. I’d managed to avoid going to The Stankhole since October, and so having given them a bit of time I was expecting to find all of its ills remedied. Really? Nah. All of the commonly repeated bad points still apply, only now the reek of the toilets seems to have a longer range. I look forward to the day the citizenry will rise up and cleanse it with fire. There will be much rejoicing.

Skindred supported, and as such I must make the obligatory mention of the fact that a mate of mine put them on at Eddies some years ago and apparently they acted like proper spoiled little wannabe rockstars (TALKING POINT AHOY-HOY: Is diva-like behaviour from bands who aren’t actually rich/famous yet some sort of socio-cultural parallel of your middle class ‘economic expectation’ thing? A quasi-existentialist re-ordering of the model of the world in your mind based entirely on how you want things to be, and if others in the world outside object then goshdarnit there’s gonna be trouble? Discuss). I should also note that at this gig your man there reeeeally overdid the “That’s not loud enough” getting-the-crowd-to-shout bit. Beyond these things, though, they were ace. You wouldn’t call ‘em avante garde by any means but their songs don’t have 100% boring basic structures, they really give it some welly, and they’re damn catchy. That ‘Trouble’ in particular is a choon. Skindred are probably my favourite reggae-metal band who allegedly treat DIY promoters badly from all of South Wales, and I really mean that.

I have mentioned before that I see a direct correlation between how many members a band has and how aaaawesome they are (there may actually be a formula to work it out. Maybe “divide the number of personnel by two, and use that number of ‘a’s at the start of the word awesome”), and so it goes with Gogol Bordello. Like a livewire gypsy Pogues fronted by an alternate-universe version of Iggy Pop who has a crap moustache and is trying to talk you into letting him tarmac your drive, they combine both frenetic punky jumparounds with slurring ‘n’ roaring drinking songs. Their onstage business is circus-like (carnivalesque if you will) and all the better for it. Fun fun fun.

Word reached me that Carina Round was due to play a secret gig at Woom art gallery on the 23rd. Or a largely unpublicised gig, rather - it couldn’t have been that secret if I knew about it. I’m not in the loop. Or any loop.

Loop-envy aside, I made my way over to The Jewellery Quarter and found not-too-much happening at Woom when I arrived, so I popped around the corner for a pint of Peroni (tall, slim and suspiciously phallic glasses For - as I believe young ‘uns say - The Win) in ‘Vertu’. I couldn’t decide if it was swanky or just wanky. Laura Louise (who seems to be the guv’nor of these ‘Goo Stick’ nights) was already on by the time I got back to Woom, playing acoustic stuff with a jazzy sort of feel. I often think it comes close to damning with faint praise to say that someone “has a good voice” but that’s what it was all about here, with a lot of depth and feeling. She did an absolutely gorgeous version of ‘Summertime’ (the Gershwin one. Not the Will Smith one. Although that’s good too).

Her Wonderfulness Carina did a five song solo set, appearing very very tired. It was weird seeing her without lots & lots of people around (since this set seemed to be semi-secret ‘n’ such), although likeable. She started with a new one I hadn’t heard before and didn’t catch the name of (I faintly recall a line about Clawing someone’s fuppin’ eyes out. Lovely), before going on to ‘Simplicity Hurts’, a fierce version of ‘Ready To Confess’, ‘Downslow’, and finishing with ‘Thief In The Sky’ (which by now I absolutely love). A very atypical Carina gig, but nice enough.

Immediately after she’d finished, Mickey Greaney stepped up to the stage for a couple of songs in what appeared to be impromptu fashion. I’ve read some of the hilarious stuff his name has prompted over at the B:INS forum in the past (EDIT: I retract that, it’s now completely over the top and not in the least bit funny), but musically speaking he was new to me. His first song was a standard and boring acoustic ballad sort of thing, but the second had a nice dynamic build about it (fairly nifty trick with just a voice & acoustic guitar, few manage it) and I liked it a lot more.

I left after that. I think Laura was due to play again, but I was nearly as tired as Carina was and I needed to be up early the following morning to…

Picket! Yes, it’s still a question of a three year pay deal at 2%, 0%, and 1%. This one-day strike on the 24th was timed to coincide with quite a few other trades going out, which was a very good thing – ours was very well supported, but I’m pretty sure that’s only because the teachers’ strike left a lot of folk with no-one to have their kids. We’ve had too many outwardly ineffectual ones in too short a space of time, in my most humble of opinions. I was nevertheless one of the two (count ‘em) people making up the picket line at our place. What a show of strength.

I’ve spoken before about the wealth of choice that the evening of the 25th offered for entertainment, but I’m now incredibly glad that I opted to go and see Björk at The Civic Hall (especially since McDermott vs Elcock was postponed). There was a good omen as soon as I entered the venue – the London Underground Song was playing over the PA. They should do that at more gigs.

Leila’s part-live part-DJing support set was absolutely all over the place. This is a good thing if you ask me, although it did go on a bit. We got (at different times) distorted bits of speeches and other songs, drone, R.D. James style ambient, industrial breakbeat, techno, and possibly more besides that I’m forgetting. Not all of it worked perfectly, but some bits were ace. Half of the crowd seemed rapturously appreciative, and half nonplussed (the girl sitting in the seat next to me seemed bored out of her mind).

A brass band marched onto the stage all tootling and parping as brass bands do. All of a sudden there’s FIRE EVERYWHERE then there’s Björk in a floaty yellow number and looking elfin (it’s clichéd, but really the best possible adjective when you see her in real life). I was surprised (although I’m not sure why. Hmmm) to find the first half of her set having definite leanings towards a vaguely mournful feel, but she switched to high-priestess-of-the-rave mode in the middle. The highlights came when the laser-lightshow came into play (predictably. Perhaps I am shallow), in particular “Army of Me” (it’s my favourite of hers anyway, but combine that synthline with a lasers and loads of confetti and you can’t lose). The closing “Declare Independence” was breathtaking, shaking off the “Atari Teenage Riot haven’t been very well lately” air it has on record and becoming a joyous, life-affirming thing (also including the densest confetti cloud I’ve seen released over an audience since Britney Spears in 2004), and… oh too many too mention. Amazing stuff. Probably not quite a top ten live set ever, but hovering somewhere near.

That’ll do, I think. There’s been the English Originals folk festival since then, and there’ll be more stuff very soon, but this post is long enough already. I will return at some point with more parables of modern life. Same bat-time, same bat-channel.

There was a whole pile o’ fighting on the telly on Saturday the 5th of March, and (just for a laugh) I decided to attempt to use Twitter to liveblog it. Nothing particularly funny or insightful resulted, but click on the ‘more’ if you want to see it (I don’t normally use those but it’s a bit long to post straight to the main page. Obviously, this only applies if you’re looking at the main page now. If you’re looking at this post on its own then just ignore this bit).

(more…)

Saturday the 29th of March gave me an excuse to go to Kidderminster (just what I’d been looking for!), in the form of Angrrr Management’s The Octagon Club MMA card. It was probably the least of the five Angrrr cards I’ve been to (in fact probably the least of any of the six MMA events I’ve seen at the Glades Leisure Centre), although that’s not to say bad by any means.

Speed and brevity seemed to be the theme of the evening – the first seven matches were over in the first round (five of them inside two minutes), and the three epic-scale affairs that followed only went for a couple of sessions. The fight of the night was probably the makeshift headliner (after Jacob Lovstad vs Kevin Thompson was cancelled. Shame they couldn’t have publicised that fact a bit more widely beforehand, really) between Chris Rice and Christian Smith. It was one of those wild brawls that our domestic MMA scene does so well, with a great atmosphere provided by the supporters of both getting behind their man.

This one was more about the future than the present for me, though. A few fighters had their first fight under pro MMA rules on this card, with particularly impressive debuts from Joseph Duffy and especially Eugene Fadiora. I’ve seen the latter before in the three amateur fights he had at AMMA and he always looked good, but this was an assured and confident performance even beyond those. He rocked former victim Neil Huntley with an elbow early on; Neil tried to take it to the ground, but Eugene inexorably manoeuvred to side control with both arms trapped (y’know, Matt Hughes position) and pounded for the quick stoppage. I realise I say this sort of thing a lot, but he’s a name to look out for.

The girl attempting to do post-fight interviews could have done with a bit more practice, though.

This month is clearly all about fighting, and orchestral & choral music. Maybe all at the same time.

Standard disclaimers: I can’t ensure that these events will go ahead, that they’ll be good, or that I will be going to them. This is just a list of things I found that looked like they might be interesting, so please do not contact me to ask for your event to be included. That’s not the way it works.

Saturday the 29th of March till Sunday the 6th of April – ‘Dance Steps’ (Stan’s Café) @ The MAC, Edgbaston, Birmingham - You, yes that’s you, can perform this play by means of choosing and following different sets of instructions and directions scattered around the MAC. From the people that brought you the (I’ll say it yet again) magnificent The Cleansing Of Constance Brown.

Tuesday the 1st – Beethoven’s 5th (CBSO) @ Symphony Hall, The ICC, Birmingham - Dur-dur-dur DUUUURRRRR! Dur-dur-dur DUUUURRRRR!

Wednesday the 2nd and Wednesday the 9th – ‘Midland Journey: Archive Film Of Wolverhampton And The Black Country’ @ The Light House, Wolverhampton - Showing various films of how it was in The Good Old Days. It promises chainmaking and groaty pudding.

Thursday the 3rd until Saturday the 5th – ‘Days Of Hope’ (MAC Productions) @ The MAC, Edgbaston, Birmingham - A Howard Goodall musical translating the events in The Balkans in the late 80s into a Spanish civil war setting. It’s had some very good reviews.

Thursday the 3rd till Sunday the 6th – British Open Show Jumping Championships @ The NEC, Marston Green, Birmingham - Neigh, neigh and thrice neigh.

Friday the 4th till Sunday the 6th – MAC closing weekend @ The MAC, Edgbaston, Birmingham - The final hurrah of the Midland Arts Centre before it closes until Autumn 2009 to be refurbished and rebuilt. As well as the abovementioned ‘Dance Steps’ and ‘Days Of Hope’, Friday is the storytelling day for families, then there are a couple of days of puppetry events and the grand finale of the MAC On Screen film showing.

Saturday the 5th – Handel’s ‘Messiah’ (Ex Cathedra/Orchestra Of The Age Of Enlightenment) @ Symphony Hall, The ICC, Birmingham - Oh hey they’re playing my song.

Saturday the 5th and various dates up until till Saturday the 19th – ‘Top Girls’ (Crescent Theatre Presents) @ The Crescent Theatre, Birmingham - The excellent Caryl Churchill play. The people putting it all together have set up a blog. This is a very good thing. They’ve neglected to put the dates and times and so forth on it, but still. Baby steps.

Tuesday the 8th – John Barrowman @ Symphony Hall, The ICC, Birmingham - Captain Jack sings.

Friday the 11th – ‘The Masque Of Red Death’ (The Happiness Patrol theatre company) @ The Old Joint Stock Theatre, Birmingham - Poe. And I ain’t talking about La-La’s mate.

Saturday the 12th – AMMA @ The Holte Suite, Aston Villa Football Club, Aston, Birmingham - Amateur and B-class pro MMA, and they’re always good shows. This version of the card is fairly up-to-date, I believe.

Sunday the 13th – Portishead @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - Of course it’s already sold out, you silly moo.

Sunday the 13th – Pugilist Promotions’ “Old School/New Blood” (Boxing) @ The Tower Ballroom, Edgbaston, Birmingham - Fighting sports return to the reservoir-side venue for the first time in aaages. You have amateurs early in the afternoon, then (after a break) professionals in the evening.

Monday the 14th – ‘The Terrible Tudors/The Vile Victorians’ (Horrible Histories) @ The Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton - For kiddies, though, so I doubt it will stoop to the genuine horrible and vile depths.

Monday the 14th – Mil Millington @ Hall Green Library, Hall Green, Birmingham - Go here (and laugh fulsomely) if you don’t know who Mil Millington is. This reading thingy is only for ages 16-25, though.

Wednesday the 16th – Merzbow and The Dirty Noise Ensemble @ The Hare & Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham - Noizez. Not, I would suggest, for the faint of heart or the delicate of eardrum.

Thursday the 17th – Lethal Bizzle @ The Academy, Birmingham - If you’re going to this, don’t take any beef with you. You’ll risk losing some teef. And you don’t want that.

Saturday the 19th – The Presidents Of The USA – The Academy, Birmingham - This is one of those instances where I used to adore this band, but (without ever at any point consciously going off them) they’ve declined in importance to me to the point where I’m not really all that fussed. Still: “Peaches come from a can/They were put there by a man”. I can’t argue with that.

Saturday the 19th – Thai Boxing (Firewalker) @ The Light Bar, Wolverhampton - I have no details at all, but if you want to see some Muay Thai then this may be the place to go.

Sunday the 20th – ‘As Seen On TV’ (Notorious Choir) @ The Electric Cinema, Birmingham - ‘The choir with a difference’ a-singing television themes.

Sunday the 20th – Mahler’s 2nd (Birmingham Philharmonic/City Of Birmingham Choir) @ The Town Hall, Birmingham - Surely the greatest symphony to hear live. (And if you like a bit of Gustav, there’s also his Fifth at Symphony Hall on the 22nd).

Tuesday the 22nd – Gogol Bordello @ The Academy, Birmingham - Take up thy caravan and travel.

Tuesday the 22nd – Boris @ The Medicine bar, The Custard Factory, Digbeth, Birmingham - This gig in collaboration with one Michio Kurihara, which may well mean more to you than it does to me.

Thursday the 24th and Friday the 25th – “Packers” (Zip Theatre) @ The Old Joint Stock Theatre, Birmingham - A comedy set in The Land Of The Righteous (The Black Country, to the likes of you). Apparently “a story of pain, pathos, severed digits, mad boyfriends, hypochondriacs, attempted murder, sex and parcel-tape.” Also at Newhampton Arts Centre in Wolves on the 18th and 19th.

Thursday the 24th and Friday the 25th – ‘Blue Planet’ (Manchester Camerata) @ Symphony Hall, The ICC, Birmingham - A documentary from off of the telly about fishies and such (remember: keep friends close, anemones closer), with the Manchester Camerata a-playing a score specifically composed by George Fenton.

Friday the 25th – Wayne Elcock vs Darren McDermott for the British middleweight title (Hennessy Sports) @ The Aston Villa Leisure Centre, Aston, Birmingham - Birmingham vs Black Country, and it’s the big one – the British title. Come On Macca! (Although: guh! at the ticket prices. Almost glad I won’t be going, with that sort of piss-taking).

Friday the 25th – Bjork @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - Well it’s Bjork. Obviously.

Friday the 25th to Sunday the 27th – English Originals @ The Town Hall & Symphony Hall, Birmingham - An English folk festival, just after St George’s Day. This really does look fantastic: the main gigs are Billy Bragg at The Town Hall on the Friday, Tunng and Seth Lakeman at The Town Hall on Saturday, and The Daughters Of Albion (Kathryn Williams, Norma Waterson, and others) at Symphony hall on he Sunday. You’ve also got free sets (Rush Hour Blues stylee) from The Old Dance School (Friday) and Little Sister (Sunday) at the Symphony Hall foyer in the ICC, and a free showing (if you have a ticket for any of the gigs) of the Folk Britannia documentary at 2pm in The Town Hall on Sunday.

Monday the 28th until Sunday the 25th of May – International Dance Festival @ all over Birmingham - Loads and loads and loads of dance and dance-related events from all over the world are taking place over the course of a month, at various venues in town.

Tuesday the 29th – Alabama 3 @ The Wulfrun Hall, Wolverhampton - Woke up this morning. Obviously. I wouldn’t be typing this otherwise.

Wednesday the 30th – Cursed @ The Medicine Bar, The Custard Factory, Digbeth, Birmingham - Sometimes sludgy and sometimes crusty hardcore, but (and this is the best bit) they’re actually really good unlike most of the bands that most of the people who’ll tell you Cursed are good will tell you are good. Good. Tell. Good.

Wednesday the 30th – Boxing (First Team) @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - The New And Radical Dean Harrison Matchmaking Philosophy continues to bare fruit – he’s fighting Gary Reid here, which is a genuinely risky fight. Good luck to him, ‘cos it’s great to see.

Jez sent me a link to The Birmingham Mail’s report about the usual sort of huff and puff surrounding Cage Rage coming to Birmingham. It’s the typical “I don’t really have a clear idea of what I’m protesting against, but I’ve nevertheless decided that it must be barbaric” business (See also: “We’ve got to protect our phoney-baloney jobs, gentlemen. Hurrumph! Hurrumph! I didn’t get a hurrumph outta that guy…”), but I note with interest that it contains a quote from none other than Deirdre ‘LolDeirdre’ Alden.

Forgive me, but I couldn’t help myself.