Oh. (Russ L going to and fro in the Earth)

Nick of time. I typically prefer to post these slightly earlier than the last day of the previous month.

Standard disclaimers: I can’t ensure that these events will go ahead, that they’ll be good, or that I will be going to them. Please do not contact me to ask for your event to be included. That’s not the way it works.

Thursday the 15th of March to Sunday the 6th of May – ‘The Little Mermaid’ @ The MAC, Edgbaston, Birmingham - The run of this one continues all month and into next. Remember that it’s based on the Hans Christian Anderson tale and not the Disney version, if your little ‘un is easily upset. Or if you are yourself, of course.

Friday the 6th of April – Bull Ring Easter Bonnet Competition @ The Bull Ring Markets, Birmingham - A woman at work recently appealed for people to draw a chicken for her so she’d have an idea how to make an ‘at for her son at his school Easter do. She wasn’t interested in my effort (it looked a bit like this). I feel slighted.

Friday the 6th of April – Clutch/The Sword/Taint @ The Barfly, Digbeth, Birmingham - Clutch! They’re the best rock band going. It’s true.

Friday the 6th – J.S. Bach’s “St. Matthew’s Passion” @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - I haven’t yet managed to attend any of the Birmingham Bach Choir’s annual performances of St Matthew’s Passion, and I’m not likely to this time either unless Clutch cancel. It’s there, though. One of these years I’ll get it sorted, I hope.

Saturday the 7th – John Renbourn/Robin Williamson @ All Services Club, Moseley, Birmingham - A warm-up gig of sorts for the Moseley Folk Festival.

Sunday the 8th – ‘Beastly bugs And Creepy Crawlies’ @ The Botanical Gardens, Harborne, Birmingham - Listen to Mr Beetle’s stories and make mini-beasts of your own. Or, erm, your kids can.

Sunday the 8th – Brian McKnight/Boyz II Men @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - It’s “Soul of the last two decades” month here in the Black Country, it seems (see the 21st, too).

Sunday the 8th – “Easter At The Island” metal alldayer @ The King Edward Inn, Birmingham - Including Mothertrucker and a pile of others (EDIT: Mothertrucker aren’t playing this any more), have a look to see. The King Eddie is that pub opposite the Fire Station that used to be called Chapter Eleven and The Ben Johnson and lord knows what else. Co-incidentally…

Wednesday the 11th – Crippled Black Phoenix @ The King Edward Inn, Birmingham - … This one is there too. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: This gig is not happening at The Medicine Bar, as stated on the original promotional material and various flyers still doing the rounds. It’s definitely at the former Chapter Eleven/Ben Johnson/whatever-have-you place.

Wednesday the 11th – Lady Sovereign @ The Academy, Birmingham - Blah blah, blah blah blah.

Thursday the 12th to Sunday the 15th – The British Open Showjumping Championships @ The NEC, Birmingham - Hoss pitted against hoss to find who is the true boss-hoss.

Saturday the 14th – Cantaloop @ The Yardbird, Birmingham - The Yardbird is that pub near Paradise Forum precinct that used to be called The Stage. I’ve heard mixed things about it since it was refurbished; maybe excellent funk-hop sorts Cantaloop playing there would make a good opportunity for us to see for ourselves.

Saturday the 14th – Muay Thai (K-Star) @ The Royal Suite, Perry Bar, Birmingham - I have no precise details, so I’ll just shout “Knees! Knees! KNEES!”

Sunday the 15th – Kickboxing (Showsport) @ Town Hall, Dudley - Including Wayne Turner challenging for an ISKA world title. I’m having a bold guess that the whole card will be Full Contact rules, but I don’t know really. (EDIT: More info here).

Sunday the 15th – Urban Gorillaz National no-gi grappling tournament @ Cocks Moor Woods Leisure Centre, Kings Heath, Birmingham - If you don’t fancy the kickboxing on this date and would like to see a combat sport event that doesn’t involve people getting hit, then here you are.

Thursday the 19th – Chris Isaac @ Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - I only know that ‘Wicked Game’ song, but that’s surely the most gorgeous thing in the history of human achievement.

Friday the 20th – Anaal Nathrakh @ The Barfly, Digbeth, Birmingham - Local black metal legends (and let’s be honest, there aren’t too many of those) return for one of their very infrequent gigs and what they have termed a ‘complete desperation vortex of the death throes of reality itself.’ Necro, and such.

Friday the 20th – Boxing (PJ Promotions) @ Town Hall, Dudley - I just got all confused writing this, ‘cos this card was originally supposed to be happening at Wolves Civic. A few names but no matches have been publically confirmed at this present moment of current contemporary time.

Saturday the 21st – Alexander O’Neal @ Town Hall, Dudley - I’m not sure why, but I find the thought that Alexander O’Neal is still going a surprising one. Combine that with the fact that he’s playing at Dudley Town Hall and we’re into the realms of the surreal.

Saturday the 21st – The Destroyers @ The Cross Café, Moseley, Birmingham - It’s a Jibbering Records do.

Saturday the 21st & Sunday the 22nd - St George’s Day celebrations @ Birmingham City Centre - All sorts of stuff for all ages all over the place, including a concert in Symphony Hall and family activities in the Art Gallery and Central Library. Most but not all of it seems to be free.

Tuesday the 24th to Saturday the 12th of May – ‘Hysteria’ @ The Rep Theatre, Birmingham - Freud meets Dali. Sounds interesting, eh? Written by Terry Johnson.

Wednesday the 25th – Spiritualized @ Wulfrun Hall, Wolverhampton - An acoustic set, but don’t go assuming that means ‘stripped down’ – apparently the backing includes a string quartet and a gospel choir.

Thursday the 26th – David Benson’s “Think No Evil Of Us: My Life With Kenneth Williams” @ The Library Theatre, Bloxwich - I saw this one a while back. He’s also performing it the following night at Stourbridge Town Hall.

Saturday the 28th - The Birmingham Regatta @ Edgbaston Reservoir, Edgbaston, Birmingham - See the boats and watch them float. Hopefully. We’ll all be seeing it on the news otherwise.

Sunday the 29th – Boxing (Ringside Promotions) @ The Aston Villa Leisure Centre, Aston, Birmingham - Again I have no specific details at present. I’m not being all that informative with the fightsports this month, am I? I’m sure it’ll feature a fair few of the usual Ringside lot.

Monday the 30th – The Wildhearts @ Wulfrun Hall, Wolverhampton - I always really liked this band, but I have (not deliberately, I hasten to add) managed to keep up a run of missing every single Wildhearts or Wildhearts-related gig since June 2001. Will this be the one to break the tradition?

I’ve been to see quite a few plays over the last few weeks, but since A) I want to get this up to date as quick as possible and B) Despite enjoying them all I don’t have a lot to say about any of them, I’ll do a round-up post.

I went to see Gonzo Moose’s You Don’t Need To Know That at The Arena Theatre in Wolverhampton. The main thing I learned from this is that it’s very, very hard to enjoy a play when you’re sitting behind a girl with a shrill and very loud voice going “HA HA HAH HAH HA HA HAH HAH HAH HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HAR HAR HAR! HAH HAH HAH HAH HA HA HAH HAH HAH HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! TEE HEE HEE HEE! HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!” (am I annoying you yet? Imagine having to put up with the real life version…) all the way through, whether there’s a joke happening on stage at any given moment or not. I think the play would’ve been quite funny otherwise.

Also at the Arena, I went to see Mutton, a sketch-show type thing about Women Of A Certain Age. Very funny stuff – a mixture of both witty and likeable cringe-inducing jokes (“Lend us a Tena?”)

At The MAC I went to see The Little Mermaid, with taking The Little Olivia as an excuse. Aimed a little ‘uns, unsurprisingly, with the two hands onstage really reminding me of kids telly presenters (that’s not meant as an insult, it’s just an observation). Any outing with Livvy sees her as the main entertainment, and this time possibly the sweetest thing I have ever seen in my life happened when those onstage were swaying from side to side to simulate being on a boat and she (without realising) started to do it herself in her seat. Aaaaw!

Most recently, good ol’ David Benson performed his To Be Frank in front of a surprisingly low turn-out at The Arena. A heavily audience-interactive one, this, even by his usual standards (although was that only because there were so few people there?), and a much lighter affair than “Think No Evil” (although I suppose Frankie Howerd is a much lighter character than Kenneth Williams). As funny and affecting as ever, anyway.

So there you go.

We went to Café Soya for a meal prior to the aforementioned Destroyers gig. This is another one of those where I enjoyed it no end, but don’t have anything to say that I haven’t before. It’s definitely worth giving a try, though. I love the place.

Earlier this week I had my dinner (‘lunch’ if you really must) at The Old Joint Stock. This has long been probably my favourite pub in town, even if I don’t find myself in there too often – gorgeous high ceiling and nice décor, with a selection of well-kept ales that you don’t find in too many establishments around here. I’d never tried the food there before this, though.

I wasn’t disappointed. I had ‘Poachers Pie,’ containing venison, rabbit, duck and pheasant (all cooked till tender but not overdone) in a lovely red wine and redcurrant sauce. Absolutely delicious. The accompanying chips were enormous (more like potato wedges) and the accompanying vegetables not overcooked (the bane of my life, sloppy vegetables are). If I’m to desperately try and come up with something critical then the puff pastry topping the pie was a bit too crisp to actually be able to eat much of, disintegrating as it did into the tiniest crumbs at the slightest hint of cutlery pressure, but that’s pushing it really. Highly enjoyable when washed down with a pint of London Pride, and I hope to try a few more things on their menu as soon as possible. Russ L Recommends.

It was, ahem, a certain day of the year. I don’t want to talk about that. Misgivings aside, celebrations were needed. After a trip to Café Soya (I’ll come back to that, although probably only briefly) Nyki, Trig and myself headed over to Moseley, where we were due to meet Matt and ‘Chelle at The Epic Skate Park for The Destroyers gig.

The problem with this cunning plan was that we couldn’t find the bleeder. I knew that it was on the left as you approach The Jug Of Ale, and assumed it would be obvious from the outside. Nope. After going up on the bus, walking back down to Balsall Heath, then walking back up again (milling around outside our target at one point but not realising what it was), we came to that familiar “Sod this for a game of tin soldiers” conclusion and repaired into The Jug for to have a quick drinky and wait for someone to come and save us. Matt and ‘Chelle turned up after a while and led us forth, rolling their eyes but also ever-so-slightly amused at our uselessness.

If have prepared a diagram for anyone else ever intending to go there. It’s probably useless but never let it be said that I don’t try.

The runnings of the gig were as late as ours, so although Mooncoin were already on by the time we eventually got there we hadn’t actually missed any acts. I have to be honest – with my attention occupied by important tasks like figuratively slapping ourselves about the head for our earlier stupidity (we’d been right outside the damn place) and adjusting to the surreal nature of seeing a folk act in a little room inside a great big skatepark (this is very, very surreal), I didn’t take ‘em in too clearly. Instrumental fiddle ‘n’ flute type stuff, which didn’t seem especially interesting but I dunno.

I dug Samba Central a lot more. A gang with drums (and a whistle) doing Brazilian drumming type stuff. Highly energetic, and pretty interesting when they started to combine some more breakbeat-styled rhythms. I enjoyed them, and remembered thinking it’d be great to see them collaborating with some other different acts.

This they then proceeded to do, adding their tuppence-worth to a few songs at the beginning of The Destroyers set. Hurray! It worked beautifully. I was somewhat plastered by this point and so critical faculties may have been suspended, but The Destroyers seemed as great as ever. You don’t need to hear me waffle on about them yet again anyway. Boo sucks to certain others in our party for organising a certain-day-of-the-year shout-out from the stage for me. They know who they are. Vengeance will be attained.

This post was informative, eh? It’s hardly surprising, given the state I was in. I did draw that map, give me that at least.

Getting behind with this again, oh mercy. There may have to be some round-up style posts. Obviously I can’t even dream about going to something and not mentioning it on the internet. I get the shakes even considering that.

It was down to the old Sunflower Lounge on Sunday the 18th, where there was more furniture in the downstairs room than on previous occasions I’d been there. Neither of the first two bands amazed me, but they both had their moments. You, Me, Dominoes were a duo playing melancholic indie-pop, with some interesting little ideas and harmonies amongst some rambling songs and monotone singing. Io played your typical Pelican-style instrumental metal, with a few cool riffs and things amongst the usual “I know exactly what’s going to happen next” style of songwriting.

Mothertrucker headlined and y’all know what I think about them by now. Collapse-O-Drums and a dufus of a soundman aside (the sound itself wasn’t bad, just the fact that he seemed to forget the job he was doing and wandered off for a while. I shouldn’t be cynical, he was probably off saving some important and especially fluffy kittens from a burning building or such), this was a typically storming set from them and worthy of all of the usual effusive praise I use and y’all get bored of reading. The gradual process of revealing new songs one by one to the public continued with “Liddel/Couture III” (surely the greatest song title since Oi Polloi’s “Fuck Everyone Who Voted Tory”), which was a bouncy-then-destructive affair after the fashion of their “Creeping Leffe.”

Great band, blah blah blah, go and see ‘em, waffle waffle waffle, you know the drill. Please don’t dismiss them because I go on about them so frequently and you’re bored of hearing it. They’re ace.

An interesting fact about the 17th of March: it’s not just St. Patrick’s Day, it’s also Muay Thai Day. How about that then?

It was also the day before Mothers Day this year, and so a trip to Chiquito took place at dinnertime for celebratory purposes. It was as nice as ever, but I don’t really have a lot to say about it that I haven’t said before.

This particular 17th was also the occasion of Angrrr Management’s “Wired” MMA card, and thus I found myself heading off Kidderminster’s Glades Leisure Centre in the evening . This was one of those unfortunate occasions where a card comes close to falling apart due to injuries and pull-outs, but they kept it together and ensured that there was still lots going on. The most exciting prospects were the rematch between Danny Batten and Kyotaro Nakao (their first draw was thrilling) and a Black Country vs Birmingham local derby between Tony Bentley & Marc Goddard. Both of these had tonnes of supporters all over the place, but interestingly it seemed like Goddard had more amongst the tables and Bentley more amongst the ordinary section. Class war! As well as being a regional thing, it looked like the representative of the elite MMA establishment vs the champion of us ordinary plebs. It was shaping up to be a classic.

Of course, I ended up missing both of these. The last train back is foolishly early, and with a few (unavoidable) delays in the middle of this card I had to leave. I missed the Vaughan Harvey fight, too, which I probably needn’t have done (I was a bit gunshy after last time).

Blast!

I still got to see plenty of good stuff. The results are here (absolutely no idea why Johnny Orange vs Alan Lee is listed as a no-contest, though. It was a second round stoppage in Orange’s favour on the night), and I’d have to say that the Joe Whelan’s semi-pro win over Scott Clist was my fight of the night – one of those affairs where one man is convincingly beaten, but never gave up and maintained the possibility of a comeback right to the end. Ashley Smith looked like a name to watch, with a dominating performance over Puzia Kamill (shaky camcorder recording here) including a beautiful picture-perfect upper-body throw. Lee Austin’s spectacular knockout of Dean Bray was also one for the highlight reels.

It is a shame I missed all the big name matches, but oh well. Here’s to the next one.

There’s another account of this on the excellent www.HurtBusiness.com

(Edit: The Angrrr Management website doesn’t mention the Johnny Orange fight at all. Since presumably that isn’t his real name either, I’m really baffled as to what all this mysterious business is about. Their ‘info’ email address doesn’t work so I’ve PMed one of their representatives on the CageWarriors message board. If I ever get an answer I’ll post further).

… Getting into arguments on internet messageboards.

Most people there are cretins. I know that. What useful methods are there to stop me getting the urge to lower myself to their level?

Joint-headline heavy metal package tours have the ability to outwit me with ease, it seems. Entombed did it at J.B’s last year; Celtic Frost did it at The Wulfrun Hall in Wolverhampton on the 15th of March. I was working in the evening as I do most Thursdays, and assumed I’d be alright arriving at about nine. It turned out, of course, that they’d swapped places on the bill with Kreator and were already on.

Ah well.

The funny thing about Celtic Frost is the way that they were quite innovative back in the day, at a time when lots of people thought that metal music had to be made in very specific ways or was valueless by default (there are still lots of such people now, of course. Ironically plenty of them are Celtic Frost fans), but the innovation of one year is the standard of the next and they no longer sound even in the slightest bit outré.

They’re good, though. They’re very, very silly, but it’s a style of silly that I’ve always found endearing (amongst the ‘continental metal’ stereotypes that abounded I especially liked the greasepaint that recalled a black and white version of a little girl at a fair being done up to look like a kittycat, and the struggling-with-English speeches between songs about trying to talk with the deceased). They got a hell of a lot of torque on the slow riffs, but were at their most fun during the odd moments when they thrashed away (and I don’t think I was alone in thinking that, with those bits receiving much more enthusiasm from the crowd). They had quite a few moments of “Stop chugging now, you made that point two minutes ago” and their aloof/bored air spectacularly failed to give them the dignity that (I can only assume) they were aiming for, but good fun overall. I think I expected a touch more from them, but I’m not entirely sure why. I enjoyed their set nevertheless.

Kreator took up the headline spot, a band legendary to many (one young lad appeared to be going into rapture as they began playing) but about whom I can’t honestly say I know that much. Ther-to-the-rash in an especially brutal fashion, and what sounded like they might be some memorable songs too. I left well before they’d finished (I wanted to visit the fry chicken shop without missing the bus), but definitely ended up thinking that Kreator might be a band to have a bit more of a proper look at.

I usually add to and subtract from my list o’ blogs (over on the right there, in the sidebar. Assuming you’re on the main page of this, that is) one at a time, but quite a few new ones have found their way into it just lately and so I’ve just had a bit of a deleting sweep (getting rid of a few that I can’t say I honestly look at anymore, and a few that seem to be inactive and aren’t by people I happen to know).

Have a quick glance at a few from the new streamlined list. They all contain some good stuff.

The first of a what will (all being well) be a few trips to The Arena Theatre this month happened on the 9th, to go and see Impetuous Kinship’s staged version of Gaetan Soucy’s The Little Girl Who Was Too Fond Of Matches.

A girl (this is more initially apparent to us than it is to her) who lived with mine-owner father & drunkard brother in isolation awakes to find the dad dead, and goes off to village to buy coffin. She’s never been off the family estate before, and knows absolutely nothing beyond what her father has told her or she has read in the books she uses as a vicarious life. Realising that the two siblings will be of no use whatsoever when the story gets out further and inevitable questions are asked, the mine inspector follows her back to try and help them out. Darker things are found out, including the nature of the so-far unexplained items kept in their ‘woodshed’ that the girl seems to view with great fondness.

It was an great, multi-layered performance from Marcia Carr. She created such a naive character by being really over-the-top and obvious about some things, and very subtle about others. It worked brilliantly. In the first five minutes of the play I found myself shifting in my seat, thinking the overly theatric nature of her declamations and movements were going to prove wearying; very soon, however, faint notes of a lot more going on were incorporated and I found myself gripped.

It also contained a lot of clever playful language, which is in some way surprising in view of the novel having been translated from French. I wonder what some of her neologisms (’rememory’ was a nice one) were originally?

Wonderful stuff, anyway, and interestingly staged. Scattered dates around the country continue up to June, so keep your eyes open.